*yawwwn. Today was tiring, ugh. Spent the whole day texting Rafael, & my bestfriend TJ. While I waited for the performance to start, I watched the lacrosse team practice the whole time. Well, mostly Jerry..

I think we did pretty good in performance, except for when we played the 1812 overture. We hellla fucked up, and you COULD tell. :O Other than that, we did pretty good.

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forget everything we've ever been through.
YOU were the one who threw it all away, not me.
whatever..
i'm over all your bullshit.
you continuously crush all feelings i've ever had for you.
.. he's never going to change the way he acts, because he loves the way he acts.. and i can't force him to change.


Darryl saw the whole thing happen between me & Jerry. How he just walked past me all rude& shit. Darryl gave me a look like "So, THIS is the guy you're in love with?!" But then Jerry came back to give me a hug, wtf.. After he left, Darryl just said, "You deserve better than that idiot. Why him?" AND I AGREE. FUCK YOU JERRY, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. Yeah, caplocks. I mean it this time, I don't want to get hurt anymore.

HAPPY LATE BiRTHDAY JERMAINE! I totally forgot that it was yesterday. Hahaha.

Hmmms, how was today? It was good, I guess.
1st period: I had rehearsals, but I had no clue what was going on. >.< I was hella lost, so I just followed Catrina. Hahaha. Congrats Leslie and Ashley on making it into Honors.
2nd period; Oh, gosssh. I was soo scared of Danielle. I accidentally crushed her foot and she was in pain. Everyone said she looked like she was about to beat my ass. \: I think she just held in her anger because she's in ASB. I'M SOOO SORRRY DANIELLE.. Ray, Daniel, and Ed just laughed it off, like wtf? I coulda got my ass beat. Goshh.
3rd period; Uhmm, Jerry talked to me.. Then when I sat in my chair, he came up behind me and made a spot for himself on my chair. So I was like sitting in between his legs. :O
4th period; It was boringg. Jermaine took my headphones, so I had no music. GRRR. Stupiddd lil boy, haha. So I just played bejeweled all period. LMAO
Advisory; During passing period I was telling Jerry about the weird dream I had last night, while I was in the middle of it, HE BLEW ME OFF. WTF! Helllla pissed me offf. How the hell are you going to cut me off in the middle of my sentence to say "I gotta go" but then you stay RIGHT THERE to talk to someone else?! You keep finding ways to piss me the fuck off! JUST STOP IT ALREADY, SHIT.
Lunch; Blahh, I actually ate for the first time, haha! Ughh fuck school foood. I finally found Jermaine & got my headphones back. :D Jessica came downstairs and spent lunch with us for like the first time. Idk, it was weird. Haha
5th period; Presentations.. Thank goodness I presented yesterday. Lynette, Nate, and Rianna had to present. Blahh, it was just boring in this class. I actually did work. *gaspp!
6th period; Malcolm's a lil bitchhh. LOL! He tried to take my memory card out of my phone and trick me saying that my phone wouldn't show my memory card files. Uhmm, I didn't fall for it, because I was paranoid that he would take my memory card anyways. &I'm not that dumb. -___-" Yeahh, I didn't do shit this period. I just talked & socialized with John, Lynette, Marcos, Lucy, Rosie, & Malcolm all period.


After that, I just went to Lynette's house & took a nap until mother came to pick me up. Haha[x


iLOVEYOU JERRY.

Last Survey
Last hug: Royal. He’s such a freakin’ adorable-ass sophomore, aha.
Last kiss: Jerry.. \:
Last phone call: TJ. I miss you bestiee.
Last movie seen in theater: The squeakquel. :D
Last purchase: Chips, so unhealthy. ):
Last CD bought: I don’t buy cds, I download music illegally. LOL
Last DVD bought: I don’t buy dvds, I watch movies illegally. LMFAO
Last shopping trip: After new years. I needa go agaaaain!
Last time someone said "i love you": Today. ;O
Last book read: Haven’t read a book in a while . Does a textbook count? -.-
Last IM recieved: Uhmms, Cortez.
Last IM sent: Same as above, duhr.
Last food you ate: Fried chickennn. & kooolaid. I’m black, aha. JK no koolaid.
Last drink: Water. I only drink water now.
Last person you talked to: In person? Idk, my mom?
Last person you were in a car with that’s not family: Jesus, Lynnete, Ed.
Last dream: Funny thing, I just woke up from a nap. I don’t remember if I dreamed or not.
Last time you drank alcohol: Ew, never.
Last time you had sex: Idk, when was the last time I was with your mother?! >:D
Last song listened to: Fatal<3
Last person you swore at: I don’t remember. I swear without knowing it.
Last time you laughed real hard: In 5th period when Nate kept arguing with us. It was just hilarious, because he was the only boy in the group.
Last time you felt lonely: Yesterdaaay! \: Catrina said ahww, pj’s lonely. I WAS WAITING FOR MY RIDE! LOL
Last worry: My grades for this semester. ): I’m hellla laggin’.
Last time you smiled: Today.
Last thing you thought about: Jerry.. All I ever think about.

please don't get my hopes up if you were just going to crush them in the end anyways...


Today was sooo boring. Ahhhhhg! Words cannot explain how boring today was. \: I felt sooo lonely today, I don't know why.. Susan kept calling me Lynne. >:O Goshhh I don't look that much like her. Blahh, I'm starting to reallly strongly dislike Monique. She gets on my nerves so much. WOULD IT KILL HER TO SAY JUST ONE NICE THING ABOUT ME?! SHIT.. All she ever does is talk shit without purpose, just to bring me down, and I dislike those kind of people. What did I ever do to you?! She knows I'm better than her. Just because you have perfect grades, it doesn't make you a good person. I might be "failing" as you say (it's not even failing. it's just average grades, stupid dumbass), but bitch, I'm a good person and I have more kindness in my heart than you'll ever have. Middle fingers up to you, Monique.

TJ; Dude, you're like my freakin' bestieee. :D We talk about the most random crap on the phone, LOL! We kind of go through the same situation most of the time, which is why we can relate. Even though we haven't seen each other in like 3years, because you're in the navy (loser), but we're still close.

Anthony; Bestfriendd. Dude, I tell you almost EVERYTHINGG. We fight a lot, and you lecture me because you care. I never listen though, hehehe. :] Even though we barely talk anymore, because you're sooo busy, i still love youu!

Lynette; I don't know why I call you that, but i guess it's my special name for you. Haha. But whateever, BLAHH i don't talk shit to you. ;[ I'm just truthful most of the time. Love you cousinn.

Rodney; Ohh, nigga nigga! Hahahaha! I remember when everyone thought we were going out, because we were that close. Damn fools, ha. You're like one of the coolest people I ever met! Complaining to you about my problems is soo fun. LOL! Even though you make fun of me for being in love with JERRY still, by calling me princess. -____-" You made fun of me for even going out with Jerry, because like you said, I deserve better. :O

Cortez; Baby Penguin! Hehehe, we have special names for each other. He calls me Ladybug, and I;ve grown accustomed to it. I bother this dude EVERYDAY on AIM &by texting him. >:] Surprisingly, he has no problem with it and talks to me anyways. It's funny how I didn't start talking to him until he came back to school, like 5 MONTHS LATER. I asked him "Where were you all these months?" Turns out, he was locked up for months. Hella BADDD INFLUENCE on me! LOL. I tell this dude everything[= But we haven't had our daily conversations lately because this ho is too cool for me now ;[ LOL.

Tanya; Blahh, she's SOO random, and it's so fun being with her. Hahaha. I literally spent like a whole summer with her. We have so many inside jokes that it makes us look weird when we laugh at them, because no one else is laughing. XD She's entertainment & i love herr.

All I can think of is a broken heart
And all I can think of is why we're apart
We went round for round, until we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring not making a sound
And if that's a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye.

& the storm continues, ugh. ]: well, today was tiring. i brought my puffy jacket to school cause it's warm as hell and everyone called me marshmallow, because it's the color of a marshmallow. ]: LOL! I told Jermaine and he was like "I'll beat up everyone who called you that." <3 Hahaha[x

Jerry said hi to me.. <\3 I miss your smile, your laugh, your conversations, the way you talked to yourself a lot when you're on the phone with me. Gosh.. \: Red looks good on you, you should wear it more often.. It does suck when the person you miss the most, is the person you see almost every single day..

Well, anyways I talked to TJ on the phone for like 2 & a half hours. That boy is hilarious! Hahha. I freakin' miss him. He gave me such great advice too about Jerry.

IN PREPARATION: For my performance tomorrow. Ahrg, I don't want to perform.

OHMYGOODNESS, it rained like it was the end of the world today! My Vans got soaking wet and my skinnies were stuck on my skin. Jesus, Eon, Lynnete, & I had to jump the gate to get to Jesus' car. o__O Yeaaah, I JUMPED A GATE. Only because none of the adults would open the damn gate to the underground parking lot, AND it was raining hard.

When Jesus was giving me a ride home, OMG, it rained helllla hard on his car. Like HURRICANE hard. D: Other then the rain, Fox6News came to interview the band &we had to perform for them. ^__^ It was awesome, lol.



ifuckingLOVEYOU JERRY.. 'but you always make promises you can't keep. you always lie '& think i'm not going to find out. you always think you can have it your way'& you know what? go ahead, if it makes you happier without me in your life because i'm out for good now. apparently i'm not GOOD ENOUGH for you, because you neglect me so damn much. YOU ARE JUST LIKE DANTE.

Oh gosh, parade day sucked.\: First, I stopped at N.Gee's house but she wasn't there! So I had to wait in her living room until she got back from Food4Less. -.- Then when we got to the parade, MORE HOURS OF WAITING! So I just kicked it with Steve and Catrina. Those two made me laugh a lot even though I was tired. Them black people, haha[x Then Catrina's parents came up to us & introduce themselves to me &Steve. They were cooolioo.[: Like a school full of Asians walked past us..
Steve: That's a lot of fucking Asian people!
Catrina: PJ's asian.
Steve: I know, but I'm just saying, there's a lot of Asian people in that school.
Me: I hate Asian people.
*they both just turned around and stared at me
Steve: What, why? That's like saying We (Katrina & him) hate black people. That's just self hate right there.
Me: No, I don't hate myself. I just hate most Asians I know.

It's true; I really don't like Asians that much. Steve sounded like a friggin' psychiatrist though. Aha, smart bitch. A lot of people say, "You ain't Asian, you black just like the majority of this school." to me. o__O I DON'T THINK SO. Because the majority is RUDE, GHETTO, & IGNORANT all the time. I may have ghetto moments at times, but I'm not rude or ignorant.

Anywhoo, I hope we won first place in the parade. BECAUSE MY BACK HURTS NOW FROM MARCHING SOO LONGG!

IN PREPARATION: For tomorrow's parade. AHHRG! I'm tired, I don't feel like goingg.

I can't wait to get out of that damn high school, and away from all the rude and ignorant people. [Which is like the majority of my school.] Thank god my friends are the very few decent people that are there. Haha.


Jerry and I stopped talking.. \: It's his fault. I wished things didn't happen this way, but oh well.. I completely gave up on him.

My music teacher said I looked like I was 25 years old with all the make-up I had on. D: LOL. I was like "25? I'm not that old.." So then she was like What? No, 25 is REALLY young compared to me. Aha.[x

Kevin said I look Cambodian. Wtf dude. What is it with people today judging my exterior self? LOL



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I FUCKING LOVE YOU, JERRY. Can't we jst go back to when it was May'09? That's all I have to say about that situation.

MixedEmotions. Sunset by Marques Houston officially defines how I feel. Can't stop listening to that song..


I feel soo deadly sick today, ahrg.\: But noo I was forced to go to school, what kind of bullshit is that?

I wish I never met you. It's ALL Dante's fault that I even met you.


Please, tell me Jerry. I DON'T cry, but people say that you're not worth all the tears. People say you're not worth my time. People say I'm stupid for even falling for you. Please tell me, are they right?

YOU ARE the one that said
"All the bullshit we've been through is too much to get over. You can't just throw everything we've been through away.."


Please just TELL ME, is everyone RIGHT? Damn it, I feel just like Chris Brown in Crawl. -.-

I MISS YOU Jules.. Talk to me again. ): You're like a sister to me, don't leave me.


So I went through my photobucket &' found some pictures. DAMN, memories..
Marco<3 HE WAS KNEELING DOWN. Don't I feel short..



Tanya<3



Cortez<3



Brother Noah'& Nicky in the back. They made L.A fun.(=



Yes, I X'd out his face.. \: didn't want to see it.

FUCKING LIES.

I was never anything to you, and I'll ALWAYS be nothing to you..


You say you miss me, but you don't even try calling me.
You say you love me, then why do I feel neglected?
You said you care, but you don't even show it.
You just act like you don't know me when people are around.

I needed to get that off my chest.


Not only is that person I'm talking about up there^ pissing me off, but Cortez is too! He won't fucking answer my texts or IMs when I need him the most!
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Nicky sensed that I was depressed, so he did his best to cheer me up today. :) Thanks bestfriend.<3

"You really need to get them fixed, you look more Asian than usual from squinting so damn much."- Jared. lol. I NEED TO GET MY GLASSES FIXED! );

So I slapped Elliott in the face today, HAH. He deserved it. Wesley "headshotted" me like 387493 times, but he does that to everyone in the circle. Elliott only did that shit to me, which pissed me off. Bitch needs to learn how to act like himself and stop fucking copying everybody.

Other than that, I was saddened by the fact that Jerry still acts as if I'm absolutely nothing. Well not saddened, it's more of the feeling of disappointment. At least I felt guilty when I acted like I didn't know him months ago. I doubt he feels guilty about ANYTHING he does. He should already KNOW what he means to me, but what am I to him?.. A little nobody, I'm guessing.

I mean really, you won't even TRY to hug me goodbye because you're musty from lacrosse or track [or whatever the hell sport he's in now] practice? Whatta lame excuse.. Come on now, I hugged Andres when he got out of lacrosse practice and he don't smell THAT good.. I'm just disappointed..

I talked to Ace like the whole day on AIM through my phone. I miss him soo much! We're like freakin' childhood friends, &he's like an older brother to me, yet we haven't spoke for like years. He gave me great advice about Jerry though.(:

"All the bullshit we've been through is too much to get over. You can't just throw everything we've been through away.."-Jerry



BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE HE LIED TO ME. WHICH IS WHY I TALKED TO ACE!
Ace is a better person than Jerry will ever be. Because he takes time to understand what I'm going through, whereas Jerry just ask questions and even when he does ask it's like he DOESN'T CARE AT ALL..

It's all coming back, but I feel that Jerry is LYiNG to me again.
So I talked to him for the first time in like 738687345 months. &Those old feelings are surfacing again..




Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, then I ain't trustin' you.

I wish I never met you.

I was nothing to you, and I'll never be anything to you. You were my only focus today. Only thing in my head all day.. &' I'm starting to HATE you more everyday. & that's A LOT coming from me; because I rarely HATE people. I thought you were different, but you ended up being WORSE than I thought.. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU. You purposely corrupted me emotionally, and you do that every chance that I'm close enough to hear your damn conversations. SOME FRIEND.

I have always said "Don't let me go, loneliness is my worst fear" and everyone promises they wouldn't. Then why do I feel so damnlonely?!..